I was working an antidote to a friend as far as Berlin, to a boarding house, furnished rooms, to the Registry to be married, to a studio apartment. Later to the school, boys would remove, to demonstrate the end to the fastidious past, to be launched into a place, to enact spilled blood, to insist history's read as allegory. To catch sight of nothing but our skin
I was working
in a bookstore and asan antidote tothe twin torment ofexhaustion and boredom, one day I went witha friendon a walking tour. We made itas far as Berlinand there I met the man I would move withto a boarding house,thento furnished roomsin the flat of a civil servant, and from there one morning in Januaryto the Registry to be married.Afterward we movedto a studio apartmentand two yearslater to the schoolwhereboysreturning from the warwould removetheir collars and sew them back on with red threadto demonstrate the endof their allegianceto thecruel andfastidious past.Everyone wantedto be launched into a placefrom which you could look back and ask whether the red was also meantto enact spilled blood.You could say so, but only if you wantto insistthathistory’sminutia is bestread as allegory. The fact is, history didn’t exist then. Each day was a twenty-four hour stand-still on a bridge from which we discretely looked into the distance, hopingto catch sight ofthe future. It’s near where you’re standing now. One day we were lying in the sun dressed innothing but our skinwhen a camera came by and devoured us.
“Two Nudes” Copyright © 2015 by Mary Jo Bang
An erasure poem from “Two Nudes” by Mary Jo Bang for dVerse’s Open Link Night where unprompted anything goes. (Listen to Mary Jo Bang explain the photo origins of her poem)
This is really something, Laura. I enjoy erasure poems – marvellous what you did here!
thank you Miriam for your shared appreciation of the erasure – for me they are fun, creative and a writing exercise in being more concisely precise with poetry
Your work is astonishing. You have a gift of spotting very interesting phrases.
A wonderful job, Laura! I love the breathless pace of your erasure.
nice observation Merril – I see now why the end has such a sense of arrival
You’re welcome, Laura. 🙂
Wonderful working of the erasure bringing a powerful piece to the surface. I love the possibilities of this form.
many thanks Mish and for hosting OLN with squirrels!
What an interesting pattern you found in that text with the word “to” which is usually glossed over. I especially like the connection of “to enact spilled blood, to insist history’s read . . .”
you’ve got it Maria – erasure’s are like finding a pattern for a poem within a poem. I was amazed to discover all those ‘to’s – all going somewhere, giving reasons.
ooh another form for me to have ago at. enjoyed what you did here.
oh yes – give it a go – its one of my favourite ‘exercises’ in poetry – and it does not have to be a poem – can be text from a book, magazine, newspaper etc – see here
You’ve captured the essence. (K)
thank you – that’s so essential!
Very interesting and great poem. I think I’ve had a go at this form once but would like to try it again one day. Well done! 🙂
much appreciation!
Interesting erasure poem. Though it is not a form i like
Much🖤love
for me its a bit like magic painting – the discovery element
I’d never heard of an erasure poem. “They” always say if it’s possible to cut a word, always cut it! It surely works here. Thanks for the introduction to another exercise in conciseness.
my pleasure Yvonne – glad you enjoyed this novelty
Such a wonderful erasure.
❤
I love the tumbling forward motion of this…JIM
I love your observation – thank you for that!