I, like

I, like an ingénue, tipped off
guard by kisses that belonged with
her. For sanctity eclipses even
beauty. And still we wrote
clean lines in dust
from faith so blind, disputing
rust is age decay

I, like an Icarus, iconoclast of
guardian laws. Falling from love
heroically, forever trading faith for 
beauty. Senseless sensation
cleansed by your forgiving kiss and
from such highfalutin airs
rusticating happily in exile

Today is Kiss and Make Up day! So for my MTB prompt “Vertical Lines of Kisses” we choose a given line of poetry and rotate it, taking each word (original or derivative) as the start of each successive line – I chose “I guard her beauty clean from rust” from Siegfried Sassoon’s “The Kiss”

35 thoughts on “I, like

  1. Grandiose, in a super oratory fashion, like a Roman emperor at the end of his reign, succumbed to a love that trades but never compromises….what superb lines, patterns in these two stanzas of yours…Icarus has never been better referred to..

  2. Oh.. I may have deleted my comment, if not here is something again:

    That second stanza using the Icarus metaphor, especially against that false hope when disputing that rust is age decay. Love forever has something in common with the hubris is flying to close to the sun.

  3. Mesmerizing. I like the way you reworked the line with derivatives (hadn’t thought of that)…. and the voice, so poised. The use of “highfalutin” in a poem made my day as well.

  4. Seamless polished compositions, Laura. I like how you used derivatives in the 2nd stanza. To be where one is best-suited, even in exile, is a happy exile indeed.

  5. This is nice, Laura. From experience, most times it is hard to from love.
    I put your credit on after you visited, I had looked for it earlier but missed it.
    I think it’s the first line, under a photo or saying, etc.
    ..

  6. Laura, I love the way, in the 2nd stanza, you expanded upon the root words of the phrase. 🫶🏼 Falling from love heroically, forever trading faith for beauty.” Wonderful write my friend! 🙂✌🏼

  7. I like this very much, Laura! Superb use of enjambment coupled with echoing of the poet’s style, and mythology! And I agree with Rob about the expansion on the root words. I especially love the lines:
    …And still we wrote
    clean lines in dust’
    and
    ‘Senseless sensation
    cleansed by your forgiving kiss…’

  8. I pondered this for quire a while… Love vs Sun. Certainly can get burned by both if we aren’t careful…

feedback is food for thought....

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s