Downhill now, I've passed 
the hill's crest, heedless
even of that view.
The track though is clear -
descent's my decline;
being cavalier
with clocks has let slip
past, the years on year

There's no backtrack, no 
way to make amends
only a breakthrough 
where the path narrows.
Sure and unbending
I'll praise tomorrows
and the chanticleer,
daybreak's cheerful seer

33 thoughts on “Metaphor”

1. I enjoyed walking downhill with you in your metaphor octameter, Laura, and love that ‘chanticleer, daybreak’s cheerful seer’.

   1. thank you Kim – they say its downhill all the way but aging is uphill and still I’m as optimistic as the cockerel!

      1. I know the feeling!

2. Ah yes, the

   being cavalier with clocks

   Why is it we waste away so many hours?

   I will have to try to write to this form with enjambment and hope it turns out as well as yours did. It makes the rhyming seamless if that’s what you want for the poem.

   1. thank you Lisa for your kind and encouraging words

      1. You are very welcome, Laura.

3. As my father often said, “Every day I wake up is a good day”.
   I like the rhythm you’ve created, it’s much like taking a walk. (K)

   1. thank you for finding the rhythm of the walk here Kerfe – I like the fit

4. Nice one. Luv your use of chanticler insted of rooster

   much♡love

   1. thank you Gillena – yes rooster did not pair the rhyme 😉

5. This side of the hill seems to be picking up speed! Well done, Laura.

   1. indeed!

6. I especially enjoyed the phrase “being cavalier with clocks.”

   1. thank you Maria

7. This is very well done, Laura

   1. many thanks Roberta

8. Descending from a summit is a good time for reflection and if it can be in a spirit of “Je ne regrette pas rien…” and even looking optimistically forward to each remaining day – so much the better – nicely done Laura…

   1. thank you – have to resist the lows after the high

9. I could feel the downhill rhythm of that one – and having tried that form I appreciate how hard that was!

   1. yes Catherine it was not an easy one for me until I split the lines and might suit your song writing in future 😉

10. So well-crafted, Laura. I love “cavalier with clocks” and chanticleer–since I’m such a morning person and normally optimistic though also facing that descent.

    1. thank you Merril for your appreciation of the poem and the morning chanticleer

       1. You’re welcome, Laura.

11. I especially appreciate the last four lines.

    1. was determined to end on a high note despite the descent – thanks Melissa

12. I think you’re right about it feeling more like an uphill trudge sometimes, but the chanticleer’s rousing call draws us on.

    1. yes it is such an uplifting arousal for the new day

       1. The sound never disturbs me either. I know many people don’t like it though.

13. A lovely tribute in ‘octameter’ to Teasdale, Laura! I keep thinking about circles with a form like this, yet I appreciate how your poem’s commitment to “downhill” motion underpins its speaker’s resolve and trust in the promise of tomorrow.

    1. thank you for such thought provoking feedback

14. Wonderful metaphor, Laura. You even taught me a new word!

    1. thank you for your kind words – I’m always on the lookout for novel words to add to the lexicon

       1. 😊

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