As Though Autumn

Published on by Laura Bloomsbury 
How delightful,  the boat
Slow to raise waves
In the bamboo grove.
Lotus-flowers are pure and bright
Young nobles stir 
The Beautiful Ones are like silk threads. 
A layer of clouds 
Impels me to write this poem. 

II

Rain comes
Strikes the rose-red rouge
Of the Yen beauties. 
We draw in to the willow trees
Watch the floating wave-flowers return
And reach the shore.

How delightful, at sunset, to loosen the boat! 
A light wind is slow to raise waves. 
Deep in the bamboo grove, the guests linger;
The lotus-flowers are pure and bright in the cool evening air. 
The young nobles stir the ice-water;
The Beautiful Ones wash the lotus-roots, whose fibres are like silk threads. 
A layer of clouds above our heads is black. 
It will certainly rain, which impels me to write this poem. 

                                             II

The rain comes, soaking the mats upon which we are sitting. 
A hurrying wind strikes the bow of the boat. 
The rose-red rouge of the ladies from Yüeh is wet;
The Yen beauties are anxious about their kingfisher-eyebrows. 
We throw out a rope and draw in to the sloping bank. We tie the boat to the willow-trees. 
We roll up the curtains and watch the floating wave-flowers. 
Our return is different from our setting out. The wind whistles and blows in great gusts. 
By the time we reach the shore, it seems as though the Fifth Month were Autumn. 

For Open Link Night at dVerse where anything goes with Mish as host, this erasure poem and title from Tu Fu’s “The Excursion” written in the Tang Dynasty of 700s AD

33 thoughts on “As Though Autumn”

  3. This is a beautiful erasure poem, Laura, and I love the shift in meaning.  I especially love these lines:

    ‘We draw in to the willow trees
    Watch the floating wave-flowers return
    And reach the shore’.

    I also like the idea that black clouds and rain impel the speaker to write a poem.

  6. Laura, Tu Fu is a beloved poet to me, and distilling one of his poems is creative; your end product is potent.

      1. I need that too, although I do very often revise “down”. But I start with so many words, there are always more that could be removed.

  8. Lovely. I like the choices you’ve made in this erasure poem, more succinct without straying far from the original.

  10. Once again Laura, you give a master class in the art of erasure, modernising an ancient text by demonstrating that less is more – a wonderful distillation…

  11. I love how you reduced the poem to its essence. I really love the imagery of “A layer of clouds impels me to write this poem.”

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