Mooching besides my footsteps here elusive leitmotif. Born blue but rusticating happily in exile still we speak in whispered messages Detached from this bed I'm taking flight with an amnesty against your absence time to beat the streets where the sparse grasses in their hundreds still bow down too numerous to name Just checking at the unhinged door that I've been - silent- running for the shore on to ever after - we always are
Links to my poems I’ve used for the last lines
For my MTB: Critique and Craft prompt: “In my end is my beginning” we are taking at least 12 last lines from our own recent poetry (or those of published poets) and rewriting them into a poem, inevitably an abstract one! No additions are permitted other than tense, preposition or conjunction and enjambement for added flow and sense. Mine cover the months of August 2022 onwards though not in date order!
61 thoughts on “Fall finale”
I love what you found here. There is an element of a hallucinatory nightmare, especially in that second stanza. It was a good exercise
found a touch of the surreal dreamworld – thank you Bjorn
This is gorgeously rendered, Laura! I love how the poem lures the reader in instantaneously 💜💜
that’s so good to hear – thanks Sanaa
You’re most welcome 🥰
“at the unhinged door” – Love where this can bring you. I agree, this was a very good writing process.
many thanks Grace – I found a certain freedom in these finds
Laura, yours makes sense in its own way.
abstracting an abstract that still made sense was half the fun/challenge eh Lisa?!
Yes! I tried! You succeeded!
we all seemed to have done 😉
our second staza is so good and could stand alone as a poem in its own right.
Your , not our!! Typo!
ha ha – not a joint effort but maybe in the future?
Why not?! 🙂
its an idea!
thank you – it would be interesting to continue that stanza or even write a shadow poem to it
This is “found poetry” at its best. Separating the lines into short lines works well for the sense of the poem here. Well done!
thank you Lillian – one time when enjambement really helps plus it mirrors the title like falling leaves 😉
Love the happily whispering y exiles, whispering (& everything else, too)
in hushed tones I thank you Ron
Love how you structured the lines from your poetry ~~ a lovely flow, a lovely poem.
that was half the challenge – getting some flow so thank you for that Helen
I really enjoyed the “mooching” way this began then continued with its inherent essence of journey. Love the line “born blue but rusticating.” 🙂
I see what you mean – the journeying is almost subliminal – nice observation Sunra
You’re welcome 🙂
Nicely done. You could have titled this one Free Bird. I liked the line “detached from this bed I am taking flight.”
nice suggestion Dwight but these are all last lines from autumn!
:>) I guess the birds have all flown!
spot on – though we have some winter migrants now!
The ever after endures, enjoyed this journey! 💓
we trust to that- thank you Tricia
exiled whispers, life brazenly grabbed, challenged… it’s a fierce poem!
thanks Margaret for such unique and pithy feedback
This is very well put together. It stands alone magnificently.
that’s very encouraging – not easy to make a composite sound whole
This definitely works as a poem. I agree with the comment that the second stanza works as a poem by itself. The first and third are almost like dream images tying the poem together.
I like the notion of the dreamy astride the middle especially with the bed theme
Yes, exactly! 🙂
Because your poetry is so beautiful, your end-line poem (for want of a better name) stands on its own so well! Not at all abstract, if I may say so.
This was a wonderful exercise and has taught me to make sure, in future, that my last line can stand on its own. 🙂
thank you for such high praise and for your own worthy contribution to the prompt
It was reading about the last line in poetry which got me started on setting this prompt – you might like to read this
You are welcome and thank you!
Thanks for sharing the link. I will go through it during the weekend. 🙂
I love the way this captures the human condition…all those unhinged doors. (K)
ha-ha – I like that!
Well crafted. Nice one Laura.
Happy you dropped by to read mine.
thank you Gillena and for joining in with the prompt
So impressive, Laura, that’s all I can say. 🙂
and thank you too for those unspoken impressions
What a gorgeous flow and perfect example for your most interesting prompt. So dreamy and surreal. The last line “-we always are” is powerful in it’s brevity,
many thanks Mish – needed a good last line for this prompt!
Hauntingly smooth flow, Laura, so beautifully rendered.
thank you Dora
I’m still captivated by the method, this works fabulously.
thank you – and there’s more to come in the New Year 🙂
“rusticating happily in exile” Just one of many excellent lines in this poem, Laura. This was a super
thank you for your enthusiasm – more of these to follow 😉
love the sound in this, well done.
sound is always what I’m after so thank you for listening Phillip
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