Fall finale

Mooching besides my footsteps here
elusive leitmotif. Born blue
but rusticating happily in exile
still we speak in whispered messages

from this bed I'm taking flight
with an amnesty
against your absence
time to beat the streets
where the sparse grasses 
in their hundreds 
still bow down
too numerous to name

Just checking
at the unhinged door
that I've been
  - silent-
running for the shore 
on to ever after
- we always are 

For my MTB: Critique and Craft prompt: “In my end is my beginning” we are taking at least 12 last lines from our own recent poetry (or those of published poets) and rewriting them into a poem, inevitably an abstract one! No additions are permitted other than tense, preposition or conjunction and enjambement for added flow and sense. Mine cover the months of August 2022 onwards though not in date order!

61 thoughts on “Fall finale

  1. This is gorgeously rendered, Laura! I love how the poem lures the reader in instantaneously πŸ’œπŸ’œ

  2. “at the unhinged door” – Love where this can bring you. I agree, this was a very good writing process.

  3. This is “found poetry” at its best. Separating the lines into short lines works well for the sense of the poem here. Well done!

  4. I really enjoyed the “mooching” way this began then continued with its inherent essence of journey. Love the line “born blue but rusticating.” πŸ™‚

  5. Nicely done. You could have titled this one Free Bird. I liked the line “detached from this bed I am taking flight.”

  6. exiled whispers, life brazenly grabbed, challenged… it’s a fierce poem!

  7. This definitely works as a poem. I agree with the comment that the second stanza works as a poem by itself. The first and third are almost like dream images tying the poem together.

  8. Because your poetry is so beautiful, your end-line poem (for want of a better name) stands on its own so well! Not at all abstract, if I may say so.
    This was a wonderful exercise and has taught me to make sure, in future, that my last line can stand on its own. πŸ™‚

    1. thank you for such high praise and for your own worthy contribution to the prompt

      It was reading about the last line in poetry which got me started on setting this prompt – you might like to read this

  9. Well crafted. Nice one Laura.
    Happy you dropped by to read mine.


  10. What a gorgeous flow and perfect example for your most interesting prompt. So dreamy and surreal. The last line “-we always are” is powerful in it’s brevity,

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